On Cheerfulness - Sir Stephen Fry
Sir Stephen Fry, British National treasure, celebrated writer, actor, and broadcaster, Stephen has shaped British culture with his wit and wisdom - from QI and Blackadder to his powerful advocacy for mental health. He is diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and has served time in jail for credit card fraud. He has had public and very real breakdowns, went missing back in the 90s and is now sober and loves the gym! On his episode of I’m ADHD! No, You’re Not, Titled ‘What is Normal?’ he touched on something incredibly simple, that has in turn touched me in a simple and profound way.
Cheerfulness as an undervalued quality:
Fry argues that cheerfulness is “one of the most powerful and extraordinary human qualities” that is “almost never talked about.” While people frequently discuss kindness and empathy, he believes cheerfulness doesn’t get the recognition it deserves despite being equally important.
Elena Ternovaja - Stephen Fry at Berlinale 2024
Sometimes you have to “fake it”
He acknowledges that you can’t always be genuinely cheerful, but suggests that sometimes putting on a cheerful demeanor - even when you don’t feel it - can be valuable. This connects to his earlier point about teaching social skills, including things like making eye contact.
Professional importance
Fry notes that in his industry (entertainment), cheerfulness is practically a job requirement, especially for entry-level positions like runners on film sets. This suggests he sees cheerfulness as both a social skill and a professional asset.
Distinguishing authentic from annoying cheerfulness
He makes a distinction between genuine, helpful cheerfulness and the kind that can be grating or inauthentic (referencing “annoying cheerfulness”).
Fry seems to view cheerfulness as both a learnable social skill and a powerful tool for human connection, while acknowledging the complexity around authenticity versus the practical benefits of maintaining a positive demeanor even when it requires effort.
And what does this all mean for me and how might it benefit you and my coaching clients?
And so, I commit to consciously attempting cheerfulness in as many interactions as possible.
Sincerely and earnestly cheerful.
As Fry puts it; a cheerful demeanor.
Cynical is easy - misery is facile.
Masking is different. My seriously ND pals - take care, and I do wonder - is this particular level of cheerful demeanor available to us at a manageable level. With little cost and high return (the return being spreading cheer!)?
For me, yes. In my endless inquiry as to what I can or will mask and the jettisoning of so much people pleasing and the integration of virtue, without needing to perform it, I think cheer will be a lovely addition to my ecosystem. And also I feel well - much better. So cheer can emerge with ease
At the cash register, I shall always, no matter how I feel, present with cheerfulness.
For any and every service worker - they shall receive my cheer.
Neighbours - please enjoy my consistent and deliberate cheer!
Loose and weak ties - please enjoy my cheery disposition.
I shall also be monitoring how I feel as a result.
Will this have a cumulative cheer effect?
Of course, my strong tie friends and family, my therapists and teachers may get a peak at a fuller range of emotions, some of them even get to see me fully unmasked, which can mean wild enthusiasm and unbridled joy or fury, rage and extreme sadness. Complaints, pain or celebration, Or neutrality - which can look a bit moody due to my RBF* in relaxation. But cheerful - that is neutrality enhanced!
A deliberate show of cheer. I hope it is received as polite, well-mannered, sincere, infectious, loving intention and I hope that people feel taken care of in the cheer. It’s not always easy, especially if overstimulated, overwhelmed or tired, but I think I can find my way into cheer for most people on most occasions, and so, through all my self-important calls to authenticity I shall add cheer to my newly unmasked self.
Not toxic-positivity, but true cheer! An offer of cheerfulness into my systems, my emotional fields and into my own person.
