Perspectives Party
Welcome
Hi there, I’m Sarah, Executive and Life Coach, founder of SF Creative & Coaching and the host of today’s Perspectives Party. I’m a trained System’s Coach, Certified Psychometrics practitioner, and hold a BSc Hons in Human Psychology and Human Biology. My approach to coaching and life is to be firmly rooted in three areas - Science; AKA Consensus Reality, Psychology; AKA the Dreaming and Spirit; AKA the Essence. Science humbles, Psychology stimulates and Spirit surrounds.
Welcome to SFC
Over the years I have taken many people through both En Passant feedback and Critical Incidents activities both in the corporate and personal contexts. More recently, at the request of a professional mastermind group known as ‘Dreamweavers’ I stewarded, we adjusted the name from Critical Incidents to ‘Perspectives Party’. This is and original SFC creation!
At some point recently, after throwing a perspectives party for a client transitioning their career, I wondered what it might be like to put together wildly positive En Passant feedback with a Perspectives party back-to back. So I tried it on myself and this is the 2-hour session that emerged - the Perspectives Party!
Time, date & Logistics
Added each time (Generally run 7pm JST, timeline below is based on 7pm start)
*Please note by agreeing to attend you are agreeing to be recorded. The recording is shared only with the Perspectives Party recipient. It will not be distributed or shared. We also agree to the confidentiality of everything disclosed during the session. It is a secret society of Lovefest attendees.
En PassantFeedback
Perspectives Party
En passant Feedback
Is a mode of feedback where the recipient is essentially ‘positively gossiped’ about as they sit in a room, but outside the circle of people, with their backs to them. The others in the room close the circle and talk about them, as they listen from the sidelines, as though they weren’t there, giving positive commentary on the person - what they observe about this person, how they experience them in the most loving, optimistic, encouraging way they can. I mean really really high dream the most wildly optimistic version of this person you have observed. Constructive feedback can be incorporated as requested but for this one - it’s showering them with genuine compliments. On Zoom, the recipient turns off their camera, turns away so they can’t see the group, and listens in as the rest of the group talks about them. I want it to invite unbridled encouragement and Unconditional Positive Regard. Recipient can ask for what they want, including constructive feedback if they feel it will be helpful.
Recipient
You agree to trust and believe. To absorb it all, to believe what everyone says about you - to take it as fact, let it go in and incorporate it into your self-knowledge and self-awareness lexicon as though fact. You agree to honour these people’s experience of you, to take it as read and said. To let it settle into your spirit and call on the highest part of you - the wisest, most intelligent, most humble part of yourself to allow this shower of positive input to be integrated into your being. And if that all sounds a bit much. Just accept it.
Why?
It is interesting to see how it helps people’s decision making and ability to dream up, have confidence, move forward and gain momentum if they have been showered with positive information about themselves. Perhaps things they never knew about themselves - blind pots or long since forgotten things, that the people who know them well can spotlight. Im interested in how it cleans up the person’s self-percetion. it cleans up people’s self-perception. Having observed many of these sessions, I notice just how much power people, especially women, garner from unconditional positive feedback.
And how much they uncover about themselves that others do see.
And open them up for the Perspectives Party.
Agreements
Focus on positive and useful observations about the recipient.
Enjoy yourself - feel the warmth of engaging in feedback that has absolutely no constructive elements. It’s such a difference to the usual call for feedback that is usually constructive criticism. Here we are exploring the potential of Unconditional Positive Perspectives.
Resist the urge to engage in ’Tall Poppy Cutting’ or ’Nail that sticks out will be hammered down’ or ‘Ideas above station, big for breeches’ comments - all comments should be purely encouraging and Unconditional Positive Perspectives.
Keep it real and sublimely specific to your person. Avoid set pieces and cliches - keep it focussed on genuine observations and thoughts on that person and their brilliance, their shine, their talent, their good points, their positive impacts, their dazzling elements and their loving presence in the world. What are those genuine ripples they create in the world.
What happens in perspectives party, stays in perspectives party. Feel free to discuss further at the recipient’s request but the general request here is - you were never here. It never happened.
En passant Feedback and Critical Incidents are widely available in the training world and I’d love to request some discretion on replicating this format, the Perspectives Party© But please so tell people about it!
Mode
The recipient starts by inviting the feedback and thanking the group
Agrees to not put themselves down or belittle any of the feedback but to keep the energy in that humble and loving place to see what is possible from there. Here are a few stimulator questions…
What do you think is my greatest strength?
How would you describe my style?
When do you feel that I am at my best?
When have you seen me looking my most fabulous?
What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
How have I influenced my community
What do you love about me?
Then move onto the Perspectives Party
6:55 Room opens
7:00 Welcome and brief intros - why we are here? Sarah
7:10 Align - what atmosphere, vibes and are we bringing to the table - how do we want to be together? Reminder: What happens in PP stays in PP.
7:15 - En Passant Feedback starts - Recipient turns off camera and I suggest turning away so you are listening only. You can make notes if you wish. Or you might want to let it wash over you and make notes later - it’s up to you.
Participants start to talk about how brilliant the Recipient is - riffing off each other - talking together, lots of yes-and. Get gung-ho, go wild and shower your incredible peer with positivity. Fill their cup.
7:40 - Recipient returns - Sarah facilitates. How was that? what happened? What did you notice? What did you learn? What’s possible from here? What potent magic?
7:48 - Rest, breathe, quiet, land, transition, comfort break
7:50 - Begin the Perspectives Party
5 minutes - recipient outlines their issue - what is it they want these Dreamweaver’s counsel on?
5 minutes - participants are allowed to ask informational questions for clarity on the facts. No advice or suggestions at this point - it’s just to clarify the issue. Coach will moderate to keep on track.
25 minutes - again the recipient turns away and turns off camera and participants, the Dreamweavers, we start to discuss the issue, problem solving asking questions to the group, making suggestions, expanding options, building on all we learned about this dazzling recipient from the En Passant feedback.
Recipient takes notes.
8:25 - wind up and return. Take a moment to get quiet and reflect. Drink some water.
8:30 - to recipient - how was that? What did you notice? What did you learn? Recipient talks.
8:40 - together - now we have a conversation - recipient can clarify and ask any questions they have, expand on ideas, get actual consensus reality support
8:50 - What happens next? Closing words and takeaways from recipient. Takeaways from Dreamweavers. Thanks, gratitude and appreciation. Perfume the emotional field with magic.
“What potent magic will emerge?”
A little bit of coaching theory:
Johari Window:
This is part of the theory behind the session - opening the Johari window - that is the things that both we and other people know about us so we are working in the open self area. And shedding light on the blind self.
And also - we could engage the 5 levels of listening - Participant especially will be listening a lot.
And for us - listening to other people, to the group’s information and the energy in the session - so interesting:
5 Levels of listening:
1 - Not listening
2 - Pretend listening - going through the motions but not actually taking anything in
3 - Selective listening - just picking out what’s relevant to you - also known as listening to respond - formulating your response while the other person is talking.
4 - Attentive listening - really listening - hearing what’s said and maybe not even responding.
5 - Empathetic listening - full body listening - listening to the words, everything around them and noticing the voice that is formulating answers, and quieting it. Going beyond the sounds.
