Two years ago, while doing a 100 days of Art with Sarah Seidelmann, I became interested in Lucian Freud’s relationship with his assistant, David Dawson, after he had appeared on the Talk Art podcast. This set me off on a marvellous trip through the Freud Dynasty (yes, that Freud is Lucian Freud Grandfather) and while I had long since been aware of Bella nd Esther Freud, I was not familiar with their sister, Rose Boyt.

This is a fascinating and at times unsettling (the things that aristocrats get up to - goodness me.) memoir and commentary on Rose’s diaries about her father and her life. It’s hard to say whether or not I enjoyed it as it is at times and dark read, yet I found it strangely relatable and while Rose is around 10 years my senior, the cultural waves of the the late 80s and early 90s certainly reached my cultural shores, just as in my home city, Liverpool, 10 years before me Pete Burns and Frankie Goes to Hollywood had been frequenting the same clubs I danced in in the early 90s. It also has me in inquiry around poverty and class - while Rose was raised in eccentric and relatively poor circumstances, her social standing and generational wealth afforded her access to ways of life unimaginable to many. Living on a sail boat and sailing the world being one such example. Neery a pot to piss in but exotic nonetheless. It woke me up a bit. A brilliant read but not for everyone.

Dark and enjoyable but not for everyone.

A Thousand Threads

Neneh Cherry’s autobiography interestingly overlaps with Rose Boyt’s, with the same events retold from each of their storylines. As a lover of story, this thrilled me - weaving together the connections. It was a fecund and culturally saturated time full of family, babies, drugs, jazz legends, multiple continents, wild creativity and culture-defining moments. Again, poverty and art come through as Neneh largely centres the book around her mother Moki Cherry, her stepdad, Jazz musician Don Cherry and her family, which includes Eagle Eye Cherry, whose earworm 90s hit has never resonated with me. Neneh on the other is part of my cultural Gen X DNA. She lived with Ari Up of the Slits, step daughter of John Lydon, was raised in Sweden, Lived in Brooklyn and Long Island has family in Sierra Leone and USA and is British culturally. Kinda. I had no idea that she was so involved in so much of the cultural landscape of my youth and, in later life also reckoned with drinking. She is my sempai and the book was a beautiful journey through the life of a woman raised in loving chaos, steeped in art and surrounded by deep love in spite of difficulties and addiction. I loved it. A must-read for any self-respecting Gen X and for anyone who wants to feel the charm of OG Buffalo, Ms Cherry. Deep bow sempai. I wish I’d had your maternal impulse.

Bedsit Disco Queen

I stayed up late finishing this while my husband plays out his extremely healthy and rather fabulous mid-life crisis on the climbing walls of Tokyo and the techno club nights of Shibuya. Dance all night until dawn - NO THANKS. Dance all afternoon - YES PLEASE!

I devoured this memoir Bedsit Disco Queen, although I felt it less keenly than the previous two. I had never been much interested in Tracey Thorn’s band Everything but the Girl, nor their contemporaries and oft-referenced in this book, Cocteau Twins. I of course own their dance hit ‘Missing’ on CD single, a tune that stands the test of time and which I would most certainly ad to a playlist were I remotely interested in a DJ set. Her partnering with Massive Attack also put her on the map with their collaboration on Protection, a record I also love. These collaborations are documented beautifully in the book and run parallel to the events of the same period in the other two memoirs. These are the anthems of my youth and my 20s. I saw Massive Attack at Birmingham’s Que Club in 1994, my final year of University. Theirs was the soundtrack of the 90s. Tracey Thorn is a truly British lady, self-deprecating, genuinely shy yet filled with confidence, purpose and tenacity. She was described as the Alan Bennet of Pop Memoirists by one Caitlin Moran. Her story is an interested coaching inquiry into real resilience, as she navigated the near-death of her partner, dropping out to be a Mum, A first class honours degree, and mixed reviews, real lows and incredible highs that came with the music industry. But hers and Ben’s laser-focus on their mission and values as a band; that’s a Masterclass in purpose.

It may seem I’m nostalgic for the 80s and 90s, yet I’m not. Sometimes I yearn for those heady and lawless times but I was not particularly reminiscing or wishing away my middle age, which I deeply appreciate - I really can’t believe how it’s turning out. But the cultural tapestry that has made up my own life was so heavily influenced by the events detailed in these memoir, it feels more like reminders down the ages of who I am. It feels like tugging threads of the tapestry to ensure it sits right. Replacing old threads. Marvelling at the clouors and textures that ae still there and how the thread is different now but similar and it needs to make sense in the full tapestry. I could eke-out this metaphor further, but I respect you more than that. I really I felt incredibly free in the 90s, closing out my 20s by moving to Japan in 2001. Being free is a true driving force and an endlessly elusive, then captured spiral.

Every day more free.

Leigh Bowery Exhibit, Tate Modern, London

Another theme that weaves together these three memoirs is three women who desperately and entirely wanted to be Mothers, become Mothers, who cherish their role as Mother and cherish their children. I interestingly find this deeply relatable but in the other direction - each of them set out to do it, like art and I feel like that about my choice not to be a Mother, so keenly felt is my instinct not to do that. Some people become mothers as par for the course. These woman didn’t and it is so beautifully communicated in each of their books, the urgency they felt; the yearning. I feel it too - that urgency not to be a Mother. It’s almost healing to read it and while that does read a little dramatic, it is most certainly heart-warming to read of three women so very unapologetically connected to their motherhood. Encouraging and well, Just lovely.

Spring Reads and Musings

Every day more free.

Compassionate Leadership…

AlwaysTake the Massage